Information for parents of new students

Plan your child's departure with them. Will they want a lift to campus or help unpacking their things? Don't be upset if they don't want as much help as you'd like to give them. It's normal for young adults to want to assert their independence at this point, especially when moving into a new environment and looking to make friends.

When Carol's son Greg started university back in September he was keen to start making friends on the first day; "Mum and dad helped me bring the bare essentials in a few bags. They dropped me off in halls, we had a quick lunch together then they drove home and I introduced myself to my new flatmates."

Before starting university, your child will have a lot of forms to fill in. They might have a tenancy agreement to sign, they'll probably want to open a bank account, and of course, they'll be dealing with UCAS and the Student Loans Company.

These are all valuable opportunities for them to gain a little independence before they leave home. By all means give advice, and help them when they ask for it, but also try to let them take the reins at this point.

Independence is all about having confidence in your own abilities, and the best way to build that confidence is through the experience of handling your own affairs.

Parent Carol found she had to take a different approach with each child; "Megan took care of most of the forms herself, she was really organised. Greg was a different story, he kept leaving things to the last minute then coming to me for help. I tried to push him in the right direction as much as possible without taking over."

You may want to help your child out by packing some food for them at the start of each term. This is a great idea, it can ease the cost of living and ensure they always have something available if they're eating dinner in a rush between lectures and a night out.

However, don't look at this as an opportunity to get rid of all those tins of rice pudding and spaghetti hoops from the dusty back corners of your kitchen cupboards. Try to pack them some healthy options, so that when they're eating in a rush they can at least have a nutritious meal.

For Carol's daughter Megan this was a sensitive issue; "Mum gave me a bunch of tins in case I didn't have time to shop at some point. It was a nice thought but I think I brought about five tins of custard and a load of tinned fruit home at the end of the year!"

Don't be surprised if the sudden absence of your child leaves a big gap in your life. The house will be quieter, you'll possibly have less to do, and you may not speak to your son or daughter every day from this point on.

Think about finding a new hobby or spending more time with other family and friends. Keeping yourself busy will ease the transition.

Carol says; "The house seemed quieter when Megan left even though she's not generally very loud. Then with both of them gone I found myself at a total loss for a few months. I have a close friend whose daughter went to uni this year so we're having a lot of lunches together and talking it out."

Don't call your child constantly to find out how they're doing. Remember, they're embarking on a busy new life; they're making friends and getting to grips with a new environment. They may not want you calling every evening to ask whether they ate a decent dinner.

Having said that, make sure they know you're only a phone call away if they need advice on how to decipher laundry labels. Carol found it difficult not speaking to Megan and Greg as often at first; "I let them know we're here if they need anything, but I made a big effort to give them space. I didn't call every day, even though I wanted to."

Don't convert your child's bedroom into a home office or start advertising for lodgers the second you get back from dropping them off on campus. This will make your child feel that you couldn't wait to get rid of them. The same goes for charging rent when they return for the holidays; your child may begin to feel unwelcome in the family home.

You may think your son or daughter is an independent adult now because they've left home, but they will feel a lot more confident knowing they still have a place to stay if things don't go well.

Carol wanted to make sure her kids still felt welcome; "My husband wanted to throw out Greg's bed and put in a pool table the day he left but I wouldn't have it. I wanted both the kids to know they still have a home with us whenever they need it."

Now that your son or daughter is embarking on a life of their own, probably living away from home for the first time, take a moment to think of everything you've done for them in the past. This isn't so that you can throw it in their face, or tally it all up and present them with a bill. Just remember that they'll have to do all these things themselves from now on.

Make sure they can use a cash machine, separate laundry into whites and colours, tell whether chicken is cooked all the way through and open a tin of beans. Not only are these vital survival skills, they can also break the ice when your son or daughter comes across another student who can't boil an egg.

This was a big regret for Greg; "I wish I'd taken the time to learn the basics before leaving home. Mum didn't really need to phone me at all in the first term, I was calling her all the time for cooking tips."

Before your child leaves for university, try to instil in them at least a small awareness of how to manage a budget. Remind them gently that their first chunk of student loan has to last the whole term; they may come to regret buying that new winter wardrobe when they find themselves eating dry toast for breakfast, lunch and dinner halfway through November.

You should also explain the concept of an overdraft, and how much it will cost them if they're constantly dipping into it. These lessons will set them up for life, and in the short term, prevent them having to make that embarrassing, confidence-sapping call to mum and dad begging for a loan.

Megan learned this lesson the hard way; "Mum and dad warned me that the loan money wouldn't last forever, but in my first year I made a lot of friends and was out all the time so I bought a fair amount of clothes. By the end of the year I was scraping by and had to borrow money from mum and dad. I spent half the summer working to pay it back. I'm much more careful now."

Obviously you'll want to see your child regularly, but try to discourage them from coming home every weekend. In the first weeks at uni it's important your son or daughter adapts to their new environment and spends time with other students. If they're constantly at home they'll find they're missing out on important bonding experiences and other students are forming friendships when they're not around.

Carol didn't find this a problem with either of her kids; "Megan was pretty self-sufficient from the beginning, but as Greg stayed in London it's easier for him to travel back. He brings laundry home about once a month. I don't mind as it means I can always look forward to the next visit. A lot of his friends go home at weekends as well so he doesn't feel like he's missing out."